More Mistakes

I should've been making more mistakes.
Just recently, I realized that I'm just a coward.
I don't have much stories to tell.

I didn't learn anything important.

Saw "the Weatherman" at Lake in the Hills theater.
I can't imagine if I'll ever end up having a family or having the need to think about other people so much.

The reason why I'm saying that I should take more chances is because of the girl at the gas station.

ExplainYourself

Woke up at 330 am.
Arrived in Houston around 9am.
Interview from 9 to 3.
Exhausted from answering all these questions.
I hate talking about myself.

Now I have to wait till I get my first pay check to move out of the hangar.
I want to take that security job in Elgin.
I'll go to Rockford to sign up for it Monday.

Paw Paw wind farm

Surprisingly, we had an operation today.
I went up in the front seat of L-23 w/ Bill B as a simulated student.
I got into that oscillation during takeoff.
I used to not do that when I started out...
Possibly it's because I'm used to flying the 2-33 and 1-26 now.
But L-23 is cleaner and pretty fun after some getting used to.

Drove to the wind farm in Paw Paw, Illinois.
Talked to a mechanic guy, but I couldn't get inside the turbine.
But took bunch of pictures.
I don't really know how they picked the placements of the turbines except that they were usually located on a high ground.
Maybe the wind at the site is mostly from the NorthWest...
Not sure.

Reading up on the wind turbines and the company info.

I really wish Ratish was around to help me out.
He's in London by the way...

Houston, Texas

I called about 8 places and handed in my applications to two companies for various jobs which included: manual labor, assembly, construction, tree work, roof work, window cleaning, security officer, pest control...

And I got a call from the wind farm company...
They're flying me down to Houston for an interview.
I think they must be out of their minds, but I don't care.

I leave O'Hare at 6am Friday.
Come back here around 10pm Saturday.

Very busy day.

The president of the club stopped by and got a ride in his 150.

SellOut

No responses to the 30 some applications that I sent out over the weekend.

But got a call from a recruiter who was looking for someone to work for a car company to design car seats.

It sounds pretty fucking good in terms of the money, but fuck that shit.

I don't wanna design car seats for living.

If I wanted money, I'd rather sell drugs.

Haven't flown since Wednesday.
It was fucking cold in the room this morning.

Fuck The World: Part II

Drove an hour for the UPS orientation at 3am.
They only had part-time jobs, so I didn't sign up.

Stayed at Harper and applied online to about 20 jobs.
I hope I get the midnight custodian job at Harper.

Received a call from a recruiter in Florida for an aero engineering job.
She asked me if I'm a citizen.
And the job required citizenship as expected.

It kind of reassured me that I might be able to find a job if I get my citizenship.
But who knows.

If I don't hear anything by Tuesday, I'll get a job at a supermarket in Elgin.
Maybe people don't want to hire me as a laborer or drafter etc. cuz they know that I'll leave as soon as find an engineering job.
At least I'll like the town that I live in.
That library is fucking beautiful.
I'll go there everyday if I ever lived in Elgin.

Desperate

I have an interview for a shipping/receiving job at UPS tomorrow morning at 4am.

I drove around Elgin today to find a job.
They have a really beautiful library by the river.
I'd like to live in Elgin.

I'm gonna apply at the united states postal service in Elgin tomorrow.
And some other place in Gilberts.

It's wise to assume that I won't find an engineering job within the next week.

I'll look for a drafter job, but I might have to settle for anything at this point.

They used to tell me to go to school so I can get a good paying job.
I have to conclude that they didn't know what the fuck they were talking about, and I was even dumber to think that going to school will get me a job.

I Can't Wait

Had a phone interview for the wind analyst job.
I don't know how I did, but I could've done a lot better.
I guess I have to wait and see if they call me up for an interview or not.
He didn't ask me any personality analysis questions.
The questions were very technical stuffs.
But I CAN'T WAIT cuz I'm running out of money.

Myself and couple other guys rewired the audio vario and radio on the 1-26.
They work now!!
Took it up for a test flight.
The audio vario works good.
Too bad there weren't much lift today...
A bit of cross wind on landing.
Landed like a true glider pilot.
I feel a lot better now.

I talked to Ed about PW-5 and he told me that it's true that the attitude needs to be a bit nose high to land on the main wheel.
Also more nose up on the takeoff.
But I feel a lot better now.
I can finally sleep peacefully.

There was a redtailed hawk stalking me ALL DAY.
I feel a bit threatened.

Forget

I need to forget about that landing for just one day while I concentrate on prepping for the interview tomorrow.
I couldn't sleep yesterday because the incident was repeating endlessly in my head.
I will go up in the PW-5 one more time and land better to forget about the bad landing.

Next time, I'll have someone lift up the nose so I can memorize the attitude that I need to have to land on the main wheel.
After release, I'll do couple stalls to find out the airspeed and attitude the glider stalls at.

I think I'll come in at 45+ knots next time.

Got a call from a recruiting company.
Oh yeah, I changed my resume on the job boards to say that I'm a citizen.
Just to see if I'll get more calls.

Got a phone interview tomorrow at 10 am with the wind energy company.

I gotta do what I gotta do...

I'm Very Grateful

I have a phone interview on Wednesday for the wind analyst position.
I'm so very fucking happy.
I'll do researches on the job all day tomorrow.
This is my last chance.

I was depressed all day because of the landing yesterday.
I can't get that feeling of bouncing in the air out of my brain.

It's the experience that matters.
If I didn't jump in the glider, nothing would have happened.
I wouldn't have learned anything.
There will be no stories.

So I should be happy that I got out alive with no damage to the aircraft.
It could've been a lot worse.
Learn from my mistakes.
I'm grateful that I have this opportunity to learn.

I Doubt It

I feel really fucking shitty today.
Yesterday, I landed a friend's glider like a sack of shit.
This morning I woke up to a dream of me being in a prison.
I feel like shit.

I don't want to fly today.

Smyk: Bad Landing Part II

Flew in the rear seat of the 2-33 with Bob.
It felt good to fly with a friend.

And I went up in Tad's PW-5.
Landed on the nose wheel.
Bounced couple of times.
It's not broke.
Lucky me.

I'm feeling quite down right now.
Tad said it's ok, but I feel really really bad.
I hope to be a bit wiser now that I've made this mistake.
Land on the main wheel.

Live and Learn.

Agent

The recruiter didn't ask me questions except what I'm looking for.
But he seemed like a very nice guy.

I hope something good will come out of this.

The weather might be good for flying tomorrow.

Read the manual for PW-5.
I want to fly that thing.

What I Mean

I have trouble communicating.
I'm not good at explaining to people what I mean.

I usually speak in ways that make sense to myself.

I don't want to change how I perceive myself in order to explain to others what I mean.

I'm not sure about the difference between explaining and understanding.

One of the big reason why I can't communicate is because I conciously try not to worry about what other people think.
There aren't much to explain when you don't care if people understand you or not.

Money

Got calls from two recruiting companies.

One was for a turbine engineering position in Toledo, Ohio.
The other one was from a local recruiting company from the job fair yesterday.

Not bad in terms of prospects.

I want to move to a new city.

I've seen this place too many times.

Don't Be Scared

Went to a job fair.
Didn't find any jobs that sounded interesting, but I need the money.

Played soccer.
I played better than last time.

I need to blame someone about the reason why I'm so stupid and ugly.
I don't think it's a good idea to blame myself for that.

You Can't Always Get What You Want

Went up in the 1-26.
Came down in 29 minutes.
Had a little bit of tail wind, but luckly touched down with plenty of runway to spare.
The ceiling was around 2700 ft.

Called up the wind analysis job, but they told me that the job is more for a data analyst/computer science major.

One thing I found out long time ago...
When they say they'll put your resume on file, that means they don't have a job for you.

I'll call up the aircraft parts dealer in Wisconsin tomorrow for a stockman type job.
The weather forecast says it's gonna be cloudy/rain till Saturday.
So I should have plenty of time to look for a job...

Temporary

I'm gonna call the wind turbine company for the Wind Analyst job tomorrow.
And if it doesn't work out, I'll quit looking for an engineering jobs.
And I'll find a CAD or a general laborer job.

I didn't think that it'll end up this way, but it has come to the point where I need to make some money.

I don't think I was being arrogant for not settling for a non-engineering job.
I shouldn't worry about what other people think about me anyways.

Went in the backseat of the 2-33 twice.
It was very hard to see anything from the back seat.
I have more appreciations for the back breaking work of the instructors now...

I think I'll take passengers in the back if I have to.

Landed with a lot of tail wind on the first flight.
I wasn't ready for it and Mike had to slip it in for me.
I came in at around 70mph w/ airbrakes fully open.

Went up with Jim on the second one.
The tow plane ran out of fuel when I was boxing the wake at 2700 ft.
I wasn't quick enough to release when I saw the tow plane dive, but Jim was.
I have to be ready all the time.
And I wasn't ready for it this time.

But we live and we learn.
This was a big learning experience and I have to learn from this.
So that I'll live again.
Maybe this wasn't a big deal, but I have to be alert and be ready all the time in case something bigger comes up.

It was a very good reminder to myself that I'm just a beginner at this.

Requirements

Almost all job postings have that "Requirements" section.

Below is the list of all things that I'm missing.

1. GPA
2. Citizenship
3. Experience

I have also come to this realization that if I can't find an engineering job, I don't have any other skills to find a good paying job.

And reflecting on my job search experience up to now, it's doubtful that I'll find an engineering job.

I was online for 5 hours today working on my resume and sending them out to companies.

I'm pretty close to giving up on this job search.

We Are the Otters of the Universe

Cold front came in last night.
Temperature dropped.

Went to the Brookfield Zoo.
Took bunch of pictures.
Saw the dolphins.

No emails for the jobs.
I've checked my email about 20 times in the last 2 days.
Frustrated.

Nothing Ever Happens

No flying today.
It's gonna get a lot colder tomorrow.

I have to find a job soon.

It's hard to decide on settling for a crappy job because I get some inquiries for some engineering jobs.

Kingfisher and Prospect on Life

Woke up at 530 am and drove to the interview about an hour away for the manual labor job.

She asked me about 3 times why I haven't had a job for 5 months.

... interview starts
Q. Can you read blue prints. A. some
Q. Experience working on gear box. A. none
Q. Experience working on transmission. A. none
The job requires experience, we will keep your record on file and will contact you if there are any openings.
... interview ends

I fucking told you I don't have any experience over the phone.

On the way back to the airfield, it occured to me that she probably made me come in so she can tell her client that she interviewed X number of people.
I drove back and asked her to see my paperworks.
As soon as she handed me my paperworks, I ripped them apart and told her that there were no need for me to come in for an interview.

When I got home, I found out that the wind analysis company replied to my application.
I really really hope that I'll get this job.

I'm hungry.
But I feel like shit because I've been eating greasy stuff since I moved into the hangar.
I don't wanna go get greasy food, but that's about all there is around here at 9 in the evening.

I hope that I'll find a job soon.

There were no flying today.

Read the book "Jonathan Livingston Seagull."

Played soccer.
Played terrible.
I hadn't touched the ball much recently.

Depression and Expectation

Job interview tomorrow.
For an wind turbine transmission assembler position.
$10/hr position that I didn't take 3 months ago.
Qualification: high school diploma or GED.

I think this is good in terms of my self-motivation.
Everytime something good happens, I think that I don't deserve it.
Maybe if the shit really sucks, I might be able to accept the circumstances and feel comfortable in the situation.
Because I'd think that I deserve it.

I've been reading the "Soaring" magazine from 1982 and 1983.
There were couple articles on the Rutan Solitaire.
Interview of Mike Melville about Solitaire was in the December, 1982 issue.

There was an account of a crash that killed a homebuilder in one of the issues.
It had a comment by someone that "... static loading tests are costly. Some calculated risks must be taken..."
Shit like that costs a lot of money still.
It fucking pisses me off that rich mother fuckers who designed some shit like B-1 or SR-71 had all the money in the world while these homebuilders had to risk their lives.
I don't really give a shit about progress in human technology and shit like that.
What's the fucking use if it's there to kill people.

I guess the increase in availability of computational tools to the homebuilders is a good thing.
Not that that's ever a substitute to flight tests, but at least they can provide better estimates.
Hopefully will save some money (including medical costs) for the homebuilders.

Incident

I had one flight in the L-23 with another member Saturday morning.
No thermals what-so-ever.

I left the field at around 2pm to go to another glider field to check out their gliders.
Saw lots of rich people with their ridiculous looking gliders.
I don't really see much point in buying performance with money.
But it's true for gliders that you can buy performance with money.
I thought they look stupid though with their ridiculously long wings.
Nice people though.
I wonder how Richard Bronsen would do in a PW-5.

No flights due to thunderstorms on Sunday.
I heard about the incident that happened yesterday after I left the field.
Some scratches on the gliders.
It's hard to tell when something like that might happen.
Usually nothing happens even when you see signs of bad things developing.
Good thing no one got hurt.