Good News

The speedometer on my car got fixed. It kinda fixed itself when I took the car to a car wash.

I haven't found a job yet. I'm pretty nervous and desperate. If I don't find a job in the next two weeks, I'll be broke. I started applying to any jobs in the area. I had a job interview at a place the other day. They make some parts for aircraft. They showed me a current project that they're working on, and it was for a military aircraft.

I don't want to work on a military aircraft. I'll feel guilty for the rest of my life if I end up working to build something that end up killing people.

But I'm looking for the reasons to justify my decision if they offer me the position.

Next!

I had another phone interview today. I fucked up. I don't do too well on the phone. I do much better in person. Well, I powerful suck at talking to people either.

I think I need to take the next job that comes this way. I feel like I have to give up looking for something that I like. I need to do something that I don't care about to make some money.

Wait

I have a phone interview on Friday. If that doesn't work out, I'll have to settle for something in the area. Arce said he wants to put together a team for the summer. I'm still really undecided on leaving this city. I have so many thing in this city that I don't want to leave behind. I'm 29 years old now, and I don't know if I can find the same things in a different city anymore. These things usually take some time to take shape. Especially for me because I'm extremely introverted.

I want to give back to the people who have cared about me. I don't have much to be useful for them as of now. I think I can gain some knowledge to be useful if I can get this job. But I'll be away for at least a few years.

If I stay in this city, I'll end up doing something that I don't really care about for the rest of my life. But I'll have the people around me who I care about. I really can't decide.

I want to have them both.

End of the Road

Bought a car from an auction. Speedometer doesn't work. Otherwise it's OK. I think I paid a bit too much though.

I lost the other job opening cuz I waited too long. There's a job at a mod center that I'm under consideration for. I won't know anything untill at least Friday though. If I don't get this job. I'll just drive around town for a factory job. Cuz I need a job before the end of the month to survive.

Arturro let me park my car in his garage until I can get rid of the van. He gave me a ride home. I'm grateful that people still look after me after all the stupid things that I've done.

I went to a practice yesterday night. I got pissed at one of the guys who wasn't running and told him so in front of everyone. I feel like shit. I hate to tell people what to do, and I think I should've just let it go.

More

I had two interviews this week. Neither is really what I've been looking for. One of them offered me a position already. I told them no thanks. I guess it's not time yet to make the same mistake of getting a job for money. I have to start worrying about money soon, but maybe not for another month or so. I'm going to ask the other company if I can work as a contractor with less pay to start out. I honestly can't picture myself working there for too long, but I need to find some income. Hopefully I learn new things that'll get me closer to where I'm going.

They finally shipped the Liberator Hi-Lok wrench that I ordered last November as a gift for a mechanic that I worked with. I also sent my resume to the mod center to see if they want to hire me. I may have realized this too late, but after going to interviews for some companies in totally unrelated industries than aviation or wind energy, I came to realize that I'd like to eventually come back to the aviation field. I think working at a mod center will give me a lot more exposure to the things in the aviation field. I'd much rather be a mechanic than working CAD models in an office.

Chicago

I had four phone inquiries today and a few more e-mail inquiries. I was starting to get a bit nervous, one of them might work out. If it does work out, I'll have to leave this city.

I still wonder if it's worth it.

I'm still trying to deceive myself.

I Don't Understand Why

I sent out like 10 job applications. None has replied.
I don't understand why. Somebody tell me why.

I'm thinking of buying a car. Honda Civic. Used.
If I do, I need to find a job SOON...

I cooked Indian style chicken curry and chickpea stuff. I've been eating it for the last three days. I wanna eat something else, but I think I have enough left over to last me about three more days.

Went to the conservatory again. They had a new fern room open. I read "Wind Energy Explained" sitting in the big fern room.

I think I'll go visit the zoo again next week.

Middle of Nowhere

So I had this interview on Friday with a company that's in the industry that I'm interested in. It's not an engineering job. And the job is in middle of nowhere. Their job site is about 2 hours drive from any major city. Sounds like a perfect job for me. I'll probably find out in a few days if they hire me or not.

I don't know what I'll do if I don't get this job. I want to move to a different city.

Outcast

I realized recently that I can't write in Japanese anymore. Oh well, who cares. I don't need to anyways.

I've been translating the Johan Cruijff's column on "El Periodico," and it's been working out well. It makes me feel good when I sometimes actually understand what people are saying at the game in Cicero. But I'll probably need to keep doing this for another couple of years to really be able to speak Spanish.

I have a job interview tomorrow for the traveling electrician job. We'll see how it goes, but I'm not expecting anything since I've never been an electrician. Plus the job is in middle of no where in Minnesota. Maybe they have an engineering job lying about somewhere. Who knows. I'm not really expecting anything, but we'll see how it goes.

I met S yesterday even though I didn't want to talk to her for the next decade or so. I didn't bring up any serious conversations. I think she was happy to see that I pretended like I'm not going to start hitting on her.

Things that are irrelevant keeps me alive

I talked to a recruiter last week. One job is about an hour from the city. One job in Colorado and other one in New York.

I talked to another recruiter yesterday. It's a technician job, but it's in the industry that I wanna work in. It's a traveling job.

I want to move out of the city before I have to see S again.

We won our fifth consecutive game last Saturday. I don't really value the record much because I don't think I'm any better player than before. But I'm starting to make better decisions than before. I'm more relaxed, I think.

I somehow realized today that I want to be able to make correct judgments and be more decisive on whatever I do.

Storm!

I heard the temperature is going to drop like 50 degrees F tonight. I like it when something like that just throws our lives around like we don't exist.

It was a productive day overall. I washed my salt caked van. I got a new eyebrow loop. Reserved a keg. Cooked chili. And I got a hit on some drafting job. It's a 3 month contract position that don't pay for shit, but I guess it's better than nothing. I still don't know what they sell. Whatever.

Faceful of Shame

I think I have this face that's full of shame and self-hatred. I'm sure it has something to do with the decisions that I took along the way because I don't think I was born this way.

I'm frustrated about not finding a job. I think I messed up on the phone interview that I had the other day. I think I gave the impression that I want to just push buttons and get solutions to an engineering problems. It's pretty much the opposite of my understanding of engineering, but I guess I somehow gave the impression that I'm just interested in learning the software and not the core engineering principles. It's kinda frustrating to be judged especially when the person draws different conclusions than what I intended to say. Too bad, cuz it could've worked out even though I would've had to move.

I haven't been studying much recently. I don't feel motivated. I keep reminding myself about the things that passed me by because I wasn't ready for it at the time. I want to be ready for the next one.

Lack of Direction

The truth is that I don't know what I'm doing.
I don't really feel motivated to do anything right now.
I haven't really looked for a job in the past week.

No Problem

Had a phone interview. The job is what I've been looking for in about 2 years. Not wind turbines but more in-line with what I've been looking for in technical aspects. They might call me in a week or so if they're interested. I don't think they will hire me, from what I sensed.

I'm going crazy trying to decide what's the most important thing in the world for me.

I feel like I've been neglecting to ask myself the most important question.