Mistakes Under Pressure

I have decided to look for another job. I'm not interested in making shelves. Even if they go into an aircraft. I know that people make tons of money doing this, but I'm not interested.

I was desperate. I thought that it'll be something different. I was wrong. I made the decision to work for this company because I was desperate. I thought that I was going to be a homeless.

I made a mistake.

I hope that I'll get this job that I have a phone interview for tomorrow. It's for a military job. I don't want to contribute to something that kill people. Why would anyone want to do that. I will learn as much as possible in two years and find another job working for the recreational aviation company.

I probably will never forgive myself for contributing for something that makes money off of wars. But it has something that I want. I wish that I can use the knowledge that I gain from this job and use it for something better.

I don't understand why anyone would want to contribute to something that kill people.

I Can't Remember What I Want

The new job is OK. The place is relaxed. At least from what I've seen so far. But I don't like what I do. I mostly do stuff like counting screws that goes into an aircraft, update paperworks, do some CAD stuffs, read regulations. I hate paperworks. I hate regulations. They pay consultants to do most of the engineering work, so I guess they just want me to memorize all the FAA regulations and make shelves that complies with all the government regulations.

And four days after I got this job, I got a call from a major aircraft manufacturer that they want to do a phone interview for a job as an entry-level aerodynamics engineer. I want this job. I don't like to work on military stuffs, but it's unlikely that I'll get exposures to aerodynamics analysis in the general aviation or recreational aviation stuffs. If I get this job, I want to learn as much as I can from there and go work for a small general aviation company. I'd feel guilty for quitting a job so soon, but I think it's worth it. I waited for more than a year for a job like this. There's no guarantee that I'll get this job, but if they offer me, I'll take it.

We lost 16-0 today. I was pissed off at my teammates.

Starting All Over Again

I got a job. They design retrofit accessories for the airlines. I fucked up on the pay though. I said $15/hr. The president of the company almost laughed at me when I said that. I should've said more like $20/hr. But I told him that we'll talk about it after 3 months or so about the wage. At least it's a lot more than what I was making a week ago.

So for the time being, this concludes my job search.

I guess it's a happy ending for now. I'm happy.

My Life Is a Joke

OK, the job is in Elburn, not Elmhurst... They build machines that crush metal barrels. I have never in my life ever thought that I'll be working on something like this. The guy asked me if I wanna start tomorrow. The place looked pretty fucking shady though. But I guess this is the only job offer that I have at the moment. It's a small town. The good thing is that it's not far from the glider club. I feel like I'll never find a job in the aviation industry if I take this job now. But then again, I might be working a dead-end job for the rest of my life if I don't take this job.

I went drove to an aerospace company in Skokie earlier today and dropped off my resume.

OK

I have a job interview tomorrow. Some drafter position in Elmhurst... That's like fucking middle of nowhere. Had another phone screening for an engineering position in Melrose Park, I think. I just put my suits for dry-cleaning this morning. I have to go in with something else tomorrow, but I think it's OK cuz it's not an engineering position. They make machines that crush steel drums... I never imagined that I'll ever get a job doing shit like this when I got out of school...

Australia 3 - 1 Japan
It was a frustrating game to say the least. It would've been fine if we won, but we conceded three goals in the last 8 minutes... I was kinda weird seeing the players moving so sluggishly. I had to contrast them with the Ivory Coast players who gave their all till the end. The Japanese players weren't as hungry for a win. I hope the Japanese economy will continue to decline for another decade. Because I think that there will be more 'hungry' players from Japan that way. Needless to say, I'm feeling down. But I don't know why because I don't like to identify myself through my race. Undecisiveness is a curse that I was born with. I guess it's just natural that I relate to how the team played. It simply has too many similarities with who I am.

Unemployed Again

Went talked to K Friday. She's an aero grad also. She's a waitress now. Talked about jobs and stuffs. No definite conclusions on our failed attempts of becoming an aerospace engineer. My personal conclusion is that I need to save money.

Saw the Cote d'Ivoar vs Argentina game. It was a really good game, and I was really impressed by the players from Cote d'Ivoar. They looked united.

Saw the Netherland vs Serbia-Montenegro game at a laundry shop nearby. Obviously, Robben stood out, but the Netherlans were immensely skilled at moving the ball to keep possession of the ball and moving the ball to the 'space'. It's fun to watch them play. I'll follow their games from now on.

Played soccer later that day. We lost like 12-0. I was depressed for the rest of the day.

And today... Well... I don't know what to say. I'll write about it tomorrow...

I am feeling somewhat scared now. Who knows what will happen from now on. I need a job. Japan needs to win at least one and tie at least one. My soccer team is playing like shit, including myself. I don't know if I'll survive this time. Maybe I should just find a job now instead of waiting for one more week. I was supposed to find another job two days ago.

Unemployment has negative effects on a human psyche.

Last Day

I quit my job today.

I was supposed to have another job lined up by now, but I don't have anything yet. I think I'll end up finding another low-end job again. I'll wait one week for something to come up. Then that's it. After that, I will stop looking for a job. If I end up making shit for living for the rest of my life.

So be it.

It's a weird feeling. It feels like I was rejected by the whole world. I feel numb.

I am scared of what I might become in a few years.

I have a feeling that I won't do anything important in my life.

Blade Runner

I took a day off from work and prepped for the job interview. I think I did ok. Probably sounded smart, but probably sounded like a bit weird at the same time. I don't know...

I'm getting used to this interview thing. I know what to say most of the time. I don't think that it ever helped me get a job though...

I'm gonna wait two weeks for the aerospace drafter position in Wheeling to come through, but after that, I'll get another factory job somewhere close to Elgin. I was supposed to quit looking for an engineering jobs a week ago, but I've had some inquiries recently. I feel like I might actually find an engineering job soon. I got another call from some recruiter about a job in Bellvedere. I don't want the job, but it probably wouldn't hurt to go in and talk to the recruiter.

I'm a bit nervous about my budget, but I should be OK for another month.

I buzzed my hair off last week. I noticed that I'm going bald rapidly. I don't really care though. Hidetoshi Nakata is going bald too.

Complicated

Friday...
Went talked to a recruiter in Bensenville. They checked my SSN, and they told me that they couldn't confirm my work status. So no job. The people were pretty rude too. Plus the ad said the job's in Wheeling, but the recruiter didn't tell me where the job is when I asked. Then I got a call from some company in Arlington Heights that makes package labeling machine. They want to interview me on Tuesday. I don't want a job like this, but it's better than the one I have now. But I'd rather get the drafter position mentioned above. It's got something to do with aviation... supposedly... I'm guessing it's Northrop or MPC because I don't know of any aerospace company in Wheeling. Played soccer in Schaumburg. Drank beer afterwards. Not bad for a Friday.

Saturday...
Met up with some friends from college for the first time since we graduated. It was ok... I think we tried to keep our distance a bit since we don't do the same stuff now as we used to.

Sunday...
Worst game ever... Lost 6-1. I had four scoring chances but failed miserably on all attempts. First one, I latched on to a loose ball at the left edge of the penalty area and made good contact with the ball, but it was blocked by a defender. The second one, I was clean through on goal after I ran into space behind the defense. I got tackled from behind by two guys in the penalty area as I was shooting. One guy just knocked me off from the right and the other guy touched the ball as I was shooting. I thought it was gonna be a penalty for sure, but the referee didn't do anything. The third one was a complete blunder. It was a free kick, and I was clean through to behind the defense from a perfect lob from the free kick, but I didn't trap it right, and the ball bounced with a weird spin. I tried to volley it with my left to the near post, but I completely miss-kicked it. I should've just half volleyed it the first time. The fourth one was a loose ball from a corner. I learned from my mistake the first time and positioned myself very good to volley it with my right foot from close range. I met the ball perfect and it was bound to go into the net with no chance of the goal keeper stopping it... But it hit the back of our left midfielder on the way... I have to practice shooting. I made chances, but I didn't finish the job. I've been neglecting shooting practices because I rarely have the chance to shoot in a typical game. So I figured why should I practice when we can't even create chances... Well, I can create chances now. I have a lot to improve on the basics too, like passing and trapping, but I should start practicing shooting too. It's too important to neglect.