Storm!

I heard the temperature is going to drop like 50 degrees F tonight. I like it when something like that just throws our lives around like we don't exist.

It was a productive day overall. I washed my salt caked van. I got a new eyebrow loop. Reserved a keg. Cooked chili. And I got a hit on some drafting job. It's a 3 month contract position that don't pay for shit, but I guess it's better than nothing. I still don't know what they sell. Whatever.

13-2

We won this Saturday. 13-2. We were up 5-0 within the first ten minutes. Amazing. Unbelievable. With three wins and a tie, we are at the top of the table after 4 games. All the credits go to the three guys who joined us this season. I'm happy about the results, but we should forget about the table for now and just keep playing like we've been playing.

No progress on the job front.

Went to the indoor pick-up game on Sunday. Went to a Pho place afterwards.

Faceful of Shame

I think I have this face that's full of shame and self-hatred. I'm sure it has something to do with the decisions that I took along the way because I don't think I was born this way.

I'm frustrated about not finding a job. I think I messed up on the phone interview that I had the other day. I think I gave the impression that I want to just push buttons and get solutions to an engineering problems. It's pretty much the opposite of my understanding of engineering, but I guess I somehow gave the impression that I'm just interested in learning the software and not the core engineering principles. It's kinda frustrating to be judged especially when the person draws different conclusions than what I intended to say. Too bad, cuz it could've worked out even though I would've had to move.

I haven't been studying much recently. I don't feel motivated. I keep reminding myself about the things that passed me by because I wasn't ready for it at the time. I want to be ready for the next one.

Lack of Direction

The truth is that I don't know what I'm doing.
I don't really feel motivated to do anything right now.
I haven't really looked for a job in the past week.

No Problem

Had a phone interview. The job is what I've been looking for in about 2 years. Not wind turbines but more in-line with what I've been looking for in technical aspects. They might call me in a week or so if they're interested. I don't think they will hire me, from what I sensed.

I'm going crazy trying to decide what's the most important thing in the world for me.

I feel like I've been neglecting to ask myself the most important question.

What If

What is the most important thing to you in this world?

What if you have to decide.

If I leave this city, it means that I'm telling all these people that they're not the most important thing in my life.

I hope to think that it'll give me more strength to hold on to what's important to me in the future.

But is this the right thing to do?

For what?

velocity = distance traveled in a certain direction / time

I like playing soccer because it give me a sense of grasp over space and time.

Usable spaces continuously appear and disappear on the pitch as time passes. The size and location of the space are affected by the relative locations and movement of the players. The movement is the direction and speed (velocity) of the players. The options are almost unlimited, but the size, location, and the predicted duration of certain spaces limits the options significantly. The technique of the receiving player also limits the options especially on the choice of routes the ball must travel to the space and the size of space the player requires. The subsequent analysis of the location, size, and duration of the spaces along with the possible routes to the next space must be done from the new location of the ball. Ideally, the analysis will be done before the pass is made to the space with intended benefits and predicted consequences.

I think some people focus too much on the players and the ball. But at the same time I'm bad at marking the opponent players because I sometimes only look at the spaces.

Talk

I made a huge mistake yesterday of making judgmental comments about someone to someone other than the person him/herself.

I 'gossiped.'

I feel like shit.

8-0

We had an indoor game in Cicero last night. We won. We won by the score of 8-0. This is unbelievable. It has never happened to us before. I doubt the score really reflects our ability or drastic improvements on our game. But it shows that we are getting better.

I want to stay in this city for now. Until about a year ago, I didn't care to leave everything behind, but I've changed my mind. I came to know a few people that I get along with in this city.

I have a phone interview with a company in a different city tomorrow.

I think the reason why I quit is because I didn't want to be a sellout. I didn't want to be an engineer who can't do any engineering work, but merely there to make money.

Proof

I wonder what it take to prove that I think she's the most important person in the world to me.

I have an idea.

And I'm just a chicken shit.

Mozzarelarelarelarela

I cooked and ate spaghetti for the past 5 meals.

I like old brick walls. The ones that have cool graffiti on them.

I realized today that I haven't worn a watch in about 7 years.

I haven't had any response or inquiries for any jobs recently. I've decided to build an anemometer. I don't know about circuits or how to build one. So this is just a kit that will let me gather data that I can play with.

Went played indoor soccer on Sunday with another dude from the other soccer league that I used to play in during the summer. Went to a Korean restaurant afterwards. It was really good. I knew the guy for a while now, but I'd never really talked to him before. We talked for a while about random stuffs. I noticed that we have similar perceptions about things in general. It's been a while since I met someone that I can relate to. I've been conscious about doing what I like to do and not letting other people (or society) sway me into certain ways. I knew that doing that will allow me to be selective about who I meet, and I think it's starting to work. I meet people who are similar. I think it's great. I think it's a very effective way to gain insight into who I am by meeting someone with similar frequencies.

An Analysis on the Effects of Japanese Social Backgrounds on the Decision Making Process of Japanese Football Players

I'm reading an interview of Phillip Troussier by Ryu Murakami. I'm very impressed by the depth of Troussier's understanding on the social structures in Japan. It's fascinating to read about his theories into the psychological impact of the social background on footballers. He explains his insights into these complex and indistinguishable social habits in very direct words as if he has refined his theories for decades.

Reggae on My Stereo

I've been learning songs that I can play on the guitar and sing at the same time. I suck at singing.

I haven't had any calls regarding jobs recently.
I applied to a shady company in the area for an engineering position.

I think about being old a lot these days. I don't remember what I hoped to be at this age when I was younger. I don't think I ever had much plans all along.

2008

I guess I should find a job soon. I'll look around till the end of this month. But after that, anything goes.

I've been pretty depressed the last couple of days. I need to get out more often.

I don't have any plans for what I'll do this year. I guess I'll look for a job and then decide on what to do from there.