Good News

The speedometer on my car got fixed. It kinda fixed itself when I took the car to a car wash.

I haven't found a job yet. I'm pretty nervous and desperate. If I don't find a job in the next two weeks, I'll be broke. I started applying to any jobs in the area. I had a job interview at a place the other day. They make some parts for aircraft. They showed me a current project that they're working on, and it was for a military aircraft.

I don't want to work on a military aircraft. I'll feel guilty for the rest of my life if I end up working to build something that end up killing people.

But I'm looking for the reasons to justify my decision if they offer me the position.

I Don't Want To Lose My Mind

I have to find a job. For now, I have to stop pursuing the things that I want to do.
Unless I want to become a homeless.

Once again, I came to realize that I'm not useful for the things that I want to do. It's like the world has denied my existence. I wonder if it's worth it anymore. I probably would've been better off just to settle for a comfortable life and take what the world has given me.

Fuck that.

I'll just keep throwing back the crap they feed me. I'm happy that I've sacrificed some parts of my life to do what I wanted to do.

Seagulls

Seagulls are scavengers.

I think I decided some time ago that there's something more important than to scavenge. I want to do something different.

Next!

I had another phone interview today. I fucked up. I don't do too well on the phone. I do much better in person. Well, I powerful suck at talking to people either.

I think I need to take the next job that comes this way. I feel like I have to give up looking for something that I like. I need to do something that I don't care about to make some money.

Wait

I have a phone interview on Friday. If that doesn't work out, I'll have to settle for something in the area. Arce said he wants to put together a team for the summer. I'm still really undecided on leaving this city. I have so many thing in this city that I don't want to leave behind. I'm 29 years old now, and I don't know if I can find the same things in a different city anymore. These things usually take some time to take shape. Especially for me because I'm extremely introverted.

I want to give back to the people who have cared about me. I don't have much to be useful for them as of now. I think I can gain some knowledge to be useful if I can get this job. But I'll be away for at least a few years.

If I stay in this city, I'll end up doing something that I don't really care about for the rest of my life. But I'll have the people around me who I care about. I really can't decide.

I want to have them both.

End of the Road

Bought a car from an auction. Speedometer doesn't work. Otherwise it's OK. I think I paid a bit too much though.

I lost the other job opening cuz I waited too long. There's a job at a mod center that I'm under consideration for. I won't know anything untill at least Friday though. If I don't get this job. I'll just drive around town for a factory job. Cuz I need a job before the end of the month to survive.

Arturro let me park my car in his garage until I can get rid of the van. He gave me a ride home. I'm grateful that people still look after me after all the stupid things that I've done.

I went to a practice yesterday night. I got pissed at one of the guys who wasn't running and told him so in front of everyone. I feel like shit. I hate to tell people what to do, and I think I should've just let it go.