Great Escape

Went to the zoo yesterday. Went to the Art Institute today. Had about 5 calls from recruiters. Had one e-mail from a company.

I'm not nervous.

I'm gonna go to the field museum tomorrow.

Finally!!

I'm finally unemployed. I'm not very happy to be unemployed, but who knows what will happen from now. I'm nervous, but I'll see what happens in two weeks. After that, I'll find a factory job and move out to some place crappier.

I'll probably take GRE and apply for summer school to get my masters degree while I'm waiting.

So... I think this is where I'm going to go from now.

I'm optimistic.

I'll go to the art museum tomorrow.

Oh... Fuck...

I found out today that I wasn't accepted for Masters of Science for Mechanical Engineering but for Masters of Engineering which is a bullshit online degree.

So scrap this whole going to school shit. I had plans for what I'll do for the next two years, but that's pretty much over now.

Needless to say, I'm not happy. It's entirely my own fault. I fucked up.

I don't really know what to do now. I'm going to find a job at a factory nearby.

No

I didn't know that Richard Bach was born in the city that I live in now. Weird.

I'm guessing this has something to do with the law of the universe.

Reset

I feel like this is the right thing to do, but I don't know why I came to that conclusion. Maybe I just don't remember.

I think a lot of this self-hatred is based on my selfish expectations that I put on others and myself. I refused to trust anyone, and that lead to shutting off a lot of basic communication with people around me. When I do decide to make any exception, and selfishly decide to impose expectations onto someone or myself, I often find the outcome to be different than what I thought it would be. This usually leads to even lesser communication with others or lesser self-confidence. The worst thing is that I tend to stop communication with certain people from the fear of developing expectations.

I'm feeling the same way that I felt five years ago when I met M. It took me about five years for me to forget what happened. What a waste of time.

Next Life

I feel like shit.

1. Go to Bristol
2. Go to school
3. Find an engineering job
4. Find a factory job

Why is it that I keep making the same mistake over and over again?

I'd already known that I'll be the most unhappy person in the world if my happiness relied on other people's happiness.

I want to live in a place where there are no people.

About Being Unemployed

I'm quitting my job next week.

I got accepted to a nearby not-so-famous university for a masters degree in engineering. I'm not decided on going back to school. I'd rather work at a factory and spend the time doing my own research instead of studying what other people tell me to. I'm looking for a composite shop in the area.

I spent two weeks in Mobile, Alabama for work. It was more interesting than my usual work stuff.

I haven't shaved in a month.

We started playing again in Cicero with the same guys. We had our first game last Saturday. We won 5-2.

I caught cold for the first time in almost 4,5 years.

I don't think about killing myself as often as I used to.