Acting Up

I might or might not be broke, I don't know...
I'm pretty sure that I'm blade running pretty close to the edge now a days.

We have 4 day weekend this week.
Not that we're gonna get paid for it though.
But it's cool that I can get things straight and regroup for a while.

At work, they asked me 20 minutes before we take off that some parts need to get done today.
They asked me if I wanna come in at 5am tomorrow.
I said, "Hell, NO!"
I was just being humorous, but they might have thought that I was being pissed off.

I noticed recently that I have a really really serious look in my eyes sometimes.
Especially when I stare at someone in the eyes, which I hardly ever do.

But things kinda make more sense now, cuz I used to wonder why some people act like I'm pissed off or something.

It's just that I have this blank stare that some people think that I'm really serious about something.

how wonderful it is to sleep on a bed

I moved out.
Paid the rent & deposit.
Paid the car insurance.
I got $70 left in my bank account.
I'm hungry.
I'm sleepy.

I'm so fucky happy right now.

Can't wait till the next pay check.
So I can go eat as much as I want for the first time in a few months.

Also noticed that I'm desperately out of shape.

To Know People

I was gonna go stay at a friend's place during the day on the 24th.
But he canceled it last minute.
I'm sure he knew that I had nowhere to go.

I got a bit frustrated.
Started driving west on I-90.
Decided to go to Duluth.
I heard that it's a beautiful city.
Thought about Minal for a while cuz I remember when she said that she went there with her friends and I wished that I'd be able to spend time with her and share something beautiful with her.
And felt sad knowing that I'll never be able to do that.

It was pretty foggy and it wasn't fun to drive.
I drove for about 8 hrs toward Duluth and turned back with only 40 miles to go.
I only have like $40 for food and gas this week after I pay the rent, deposit, and car insurance.
I spent about $80 on this trip.

I'm a bit apathetic about the situation that I've put myself into.
I don't know when I'm gonna get out of this.
I don't even have money to go eat or drive around.

Anyways, I think this is a good chance to find a person who I can trust.
When I'm at the lowest of the low.
Some people look down on me.
I'll remember that.

I'll try to enjoy this shit that I'm in.
I can honestly laugh at myself for living like this.

Moving Out Part II

I'm gonna sign up to rent the 'clean' apartment on Douglas Ave. tomorrow.
If my check is deposited on time.
Otherwise, I'm gonna go drive to some place far so no one will be able to contact me during Christmas.

After all the whining and complaining about my living condition, I am overall happy with where I am right now.
I did what I wanted to do.
Who knows where I would be if I chose to do something that I didn't want to do.

Life, as small and unimportant as it may be, will go on.

Negative

Didn't move in.
They wanted at least 6months lease.

Sucks.

I really liked the place...

Well, Keep trying, I guess...

I wanna move out before Christmas.
It's kinda miserable to be alone on a Christmas day.
If I hadn't moved out by then, I'll just drive out to some odd place so no one will find me.
And come back before work.

I have to move out before New Years because there will be people at the hangar that day.

Got a call from a recruiter about a job in Connecticut.
I know that I won't get it because it's for some military projects.

Citizenship office is processing papers from July 30th.
My application was received on June 6th.
Mother Fuckers.

I'm stuck.

What am I doing.
Where am I going.

Moving Out

Found an apartment.
It's by the library.
400 a month, 300 deposit.

I'll be so broke till the next pay check.

But I'm happy.

Finally, I have a place that I don't have to be so cold all the time.

It's that feeling of doing something new.
Moving to a new place.

NO FUTURE

I feel like I'm trapped.
I don't know where I'm going from here.
I wanna take a job that's easy but seriously risky and pays a lot of money.

I want money.

It's very inconvenient to not have money.

Work is fine, but it makes me feel like I've became a piece of machine.
Most people in the world have jobs like this.
People just work so they'll have something to eat.
While the rich people get richer and richer.

Fuck this shit.

Shelter

I saw the fire in Elgin last night.
It was right by the library.

Today was the coldest December 5th in the history in Chicago.
Lucky me.

I need to read more.
I wanna finish the Paul Gipe book on the wind turbine (the really thick one).
The thiner one was a pretty good book.
He knows how to explain things well in simple language.

I wanna read the other Soaring magazines from the 80's before next spring.

I worked 57.5 hrs last week.
Hopefully I'll get to move out before the end of the year.

Somebody find me a place in Elgin...