Lost for Life

Since my last post a year and few months ago...
Went to Seattle for work stuff.
Saw killer whales.Worked a lot.
Started hang gliding again.
Went to Oslo and Budapest for work.
Quit work.

I bought and started flying a hang glider.
I moved out of the city that I grew up in.
I have a new job.
I like what I do for living.


I've noticed that I mumble a lot.

The Joke Is on You

I took a day off from work today.

Ate at a good breakfast place.
Took my car to a shop.
Went saw Hubble 3D.
I saw images of this universe that I've never seen before.

Saw "Exit through the Gift Shop".
Fucking brilliant.
What I need is courage.
This world is not what it's seemed to be.
This has become one of my favorite movies of all time.

coffee

i quit drinking coffee at work.
i've only drank coffee twice in the last two weeks.

i had coffee last night.
i could not go to sleep at all till about 6 in the morning.
i slept for like 1 hour and went to my soccer game.

my friend's mom is sick
she's in guatemala
he doesn't have paperwork, so he's not sure if he's gonna go back to see her.

i'm weak

i'm thinking of going back to flying glider.

i did some structural analysis type stuffs at work.
finally, 5 years after graduating college.

some girl hit my car last sunday.
no big damage, just bumper got smashed.

i want to take a long vacation.

To Lie

I had this review thing at work.

I told the man how I feel about the place.
He got pretty pissed off.

I just realized that a lot of people are there to make money.
And to make money is to spend little as possible and have someone pay as much as possible.

So no wonder people who are good at talking shit is more valuable to the company.

I was listening to Radiolab and noticed that the reason for my depression may be because I don't lie to myself.
Oh well, I'd rather be sad than lie about who I am.
I'm stupid enough I might fool myself.

The Straight Story

I watched "The Straight Story" by David Lynch. For about a month or so, I've had this unexplained crave for his visions. His vision is inorganic.

I watched "Eraserhead" a few weeks ago. Umm... I don't know about that one...

I had a trip to Detroit the other day. I've been working with this old mechanic since last summer, and this was our last job together. I've learned a lot from him.

I feel like there's something that's going to be lost forever when I part ways with the people that I get along with.

I want to work at a mod-center.

I think I'll be fired pretty soon.

I don't really mind that because I have a lot of things that I want to read. Engineering stuffs that I knew were important to me, but never knew that they existed.

Next Step

Came back from a work trip in North Carolina. The trip was OK.
Found a good sushi place.

I worked over-night yesterday.
It makes me feel like I don't have the balls to say fuck off.

I didn't keep up with the running schedule while I was on the road.

It makes me feel like shit that I waste my time doing shit that I don't give a fuck about.

Quit

I quit the soccer team.

I feel like shit.

Stroke of Fate

I thought about going to South Africa next year.

I think about what I lack as a person.
I was right about being desperate to gain knowledge.
I can see now why so many engineers never get any experience to do anything worthwhile.
It's hard to really grasp the consequences of the choices we make as an engineer.

I knew that I needed more experience and knowledge. Now I'm just useless. I knew what I needed, but I didn't get it.

I spent too much time worrying about shit that other people were worried about.

It don't mean shit now what I knew back then.

I'm just useless.

Left Eye and Other Random Things

I weighed myself the other day. I gained about 30 lbs in the last year or so.

Needless to say, I started running.

I can tell that glaucoma on my left eye is getting worse.

I discovered Thee Michelle Gun Elephant.
"Deadman's Galaxy Days" is my current favorite.
I want a motorcycle. I want to buy a Honda CB400 the newer model. I guess they don't sell these in the states.

I skipped work today. I don't get along with the big man.
I'm pretty sure he's going to fire me soon.
He's really trying to get me to quit.

Went to a friend's birthday party. I made a framed poster of our soccer team with photoshop. It turned out OK.

I want a motorcycle.

Reading Is...

Took the train to the city.

Read the book by Flabel. I like the book. It's really good for me since there's no one at my company who can teach me these things. It'll probably take me a few months to read all of it though...

I like reading in Millenium Park. It was kinda noisy today though... So I walked around to find a quieter place and found out that they were doing the Celtic fest today. Had an Irish Stew, curry fries, and a cup of Guiness. $16 total... Whatever.

I was listening to the Tokyo Ska Paradise Orchestra while I was on the train. I like the songs that have words... It kinda makes me feel stupid cuz it sounds like I'm not that into ska. I don't know maybe I'm really not... I like the song "めくれたオレンジ".

I have to work tomorrow. It sucks. It sucks cuz I have to work on a Sunday, but more than that, it sucks because it makes me feel like I'm powerless. It makes me feel like I don't have control over my own life.